The Sports Bar Chronicles Volume 1
The Hungry Post wants to keep you on your toes with different takes and tolls on all that is grub related. This week we have invited our first contributor to talk sports and food…
A few things about me. I love sports. I love football. I love hanging out with my friends and watching football. I don’t care for beer. I don’t care to day drink. I like buffalo wings. I’ve always wanted a brother named Jimmy. Ok, that last one isn’t true. But when I asked The Hungry Post team to please let me write for their site, they suggested I mix sports with food. Naturally, I went to Brother Jimmy’s in Mary Brickell last Saturday to watch UM face off against Kansas State with my friends. Here is what happened:
Saturday September 8, 2012, 11:12 AM-I wake up with a phone call urging me to go to Brother Jimmy’s. The game is at noon! I don’t know what’s worse, my hangover or breath.
11:14-FML. FML. FML. FML. FML. FML
11:15- Brushing teeth, looking at self in mirror, acting like I’m actually playing in a football game in 45 minutes.
11:22- Finish brushing teeth. It was for the best.
11:27- Drive out of my apartment (I live about 20 minutes away from Brother Jimmy’s), turn the radio dial to 560AM, and start getting amped!
11:34- An accident on McArthur Causeway. Of course there is. Wait who cares if I was in traffic? It’s Miami.
11: 50- DAMN YOU BRICKELL I CAN NEVER FIND PARKING
11:55- On the phone with my mom as I look for parking. She suggests that I park in the garage as if she just split the atom. Thanks. She’ll be suggesting that I get food the next time I tell her that I’m hungry.
11: 57- Somehow the garage is packed and it smells a little bit like Brother Jimmy’s ribs. I almost can’t control myself. Then I see the 450 lb security guard, and needless to say it neutralizes my emotions.
11:58- Little bit here about Brother Jimmy’s. It’s a North Carolina style BBQ restaurant/bar with locations mainly in NY (like 5 of them). They opened the Miami one recently. It markets itself as very North Carolina-centric for sports too, showing anything ACC related (ACC is the athletic conference that most NC universities play in, in addition to schools like BC, FSU, and yes, Miami). One of the NY locations, in Murray Hill, is actually owned by ex UM football players, so of course that particular one is a UM Sports bar. Right in the middle of New York! Trust me that factoid was cooler before I saw Donna Shalala’s mug on TV every 10 minutes. If you understood less than 45% of this paragraph, just stop reading this article and read about the exquisite chocolate soufflé at Mr. Chow.
12:03- I walk in just after kickoff. I see my party’s table in the far back, and I make a beeline towards it. But no, someone that I haven’t seen in 5 years wants to make conversation first! How exciting!!!!
12:07- I exchange pleasantries with the crew I’m with. They are Marky (biggest UM fan I know), Andy (went to UM law, huge sports fan of anything Miami related), Daniel (UF fan, screw him), Tommy (has a UM tattoo, enough said), Manny (VILLANOVA [my alma mater] grad, UM fan), Ian (some guy that has an unreasonably hard hand shake), and two others that we’ll just call X and Y.
12:08- I sit down and check out the menu. I’m a very indecisive person by nature, and the menu has about 200 items, so I’ll let you decide how this is going to end up.
12:09- Server comes by and asks me what I want to drink and eat. She obviously hasn’t read the previous paragraph. (By the way, I know this is a food website…but is it PC to say waitress? Do I have to say server? Can we just take a time machine to like 1998 when it was DEFINITELY ok to say waitress? Let me know.)
12:09- (20 seconds later)- She asks me what I want to eat and drink. For about 4 seconds, I think she is being really funny. But she wasn’t.
12:10- I look around and see everyone drinking beer, eating wings, and I think to myself…HOW do they do it??? I just woke up 45 minutes ago! Well Brother Jimmy’s has an all you can eat wings and all you can drink beer special for 18.95. That’s in USD, for my foreign readers.
12:12- Ian is playing a game with the server: Whenever she comes to our table, she has to take a shot of beer. She found it funny the first time, kind of funny the second time, and definitely wants to get that awesome weapon that Javier Bardem used in No Country for Old Men and use it on Ian after the third time.
12:17- You know that guy that tries to order off menu? You’re reading him. I want all you can eat wings but I only want to drink Coke. Server mentions that I can get a bucket of 20 wings for 18.95, which is the complete opposite of a good deal. I settle for 10 hot wings and some Coca Cola classic.
12:19- After reading the menu the same way Pope Benedict XVI reads the St James Bible, I recalled how fantastic the ribs are at this place. They really are great. Ditto for the pulled pork. They know how to make BBQ here. Wings are good too, but like I alluded to before…I can only take so many wings. The Saturday specials at Brother Jimmy’s just aren’t Jose-friendly, let’s face it.
12:28- “Your wings came, but your friends got to them first.” Oh.
12:30- Our server quickly points out that she already put in another order for me. She’s starting to turn it around after her rapid fire questions when I sat down. Reminded me of the time I asked a girl at Brother Jimmy’s in NY if she wanted to come back to my apartment with me twice in 20 seconds.
12:38- She personally delivers the wings, saying “I didn’t want the same thing to happen again.” Yes, she has won me over. When I first got here she looked like pregnant Peggy Olson from Mad Men. Now? Skinny, powerful, cute Peggy Olson from season 4!
12:52- Annnnnnd finito! I feel like Dirk Diggler after one of his scenes.
12:55- Field Goal Miami!… Touchdown Kansas State. Poor Marky. He looks like his dog died, came back to life for 5 seconds for the sole purpose of biting his ear off, then dying again.
1:01- For what it’s worth, the rest of my friends are really plowing through those wings and beer. Seems like a great deal for them.
1:05- Miami down 24-3. Atmosphere really sucks. That’s the problem with any sports bar. If your team is crapping the bed, the energy goes from an A to a solid D+ in a split second.
1:11- I made a wish.
1:12- Ian just forced the waitress to take her ninth shot of beer. So no, for those asking, my wish didn’t come true.
1:26- Halftime. Kansas State 24, Miami 6.
1:29- Bathroom break. “Yo bro, who is Miami’s backup quarterback bro,” asks a fellow customer. I miss New York.
1:34- Some guy just yelled out “Jose! Jose! Over here!” I looked over and was starting to get up, only to realize there was another Jose 5 feet away from me. To make matters worse, it was the same genius from the bathroom. Shoot me.
1:40- Everyone starting to get a second wind. The 2nd half is starting! Game is still a long way from being over! We can do this!
1:44- Thomas asks me why I’m not drinking, I tell him because I don’t like to drink during the day and that I’m not in the mood. That somehow leads to me telling him to go away or watch the game. Yep, football will do that to you.
1:50- Peggy gets me a refill without me even having to ask. She’s officially a poor man’s Blake Lively.
1:54- Place is like a morgue. I can’t begin to tell you how fun these bars can be when the home team puts on a good show. Hell, I was at a Brother Jimmy’s when Miami almost won a game vs Ohio State, and we practically tore the damn place down.
1:57- Just began to realize that I’m developing terrible neck pain, thanks to the awful combination of where I’m seated and where the TV’s are located. If mini-Blake comes out of thin air and gives me two Aleve, we are going to Vegas.
2:24- Ian asks Blake to take another shot, to which she defiantly answers “No.” Marry me. She is now the Khaleesi from Game of Thrones.
2:38- Just realized that Y is sitting directly next to me, facing me. He’s been sitting there the entire game, according to Manny. We both agree that we want him gone.
2: 47- For the purposes of this article, get me the F— out of here.
2:50- Texted mom to make sure someone is home. She points out that it’s raining, and that I might get wet.
2:53- So I am paying about 15 bucks for 10 wings, a coke, tip and tax, when I could have gotten all you can drink beer and all you can eat wings for 18.95 plus tip and tax? So if you lead a clean, pure life, and/or abstain from alcohol, you lose? Well played, Brother Jimmy’s.
2:56- I say my goodbye’s and scurry out. Bottom line: fun place to watch a game. Great special if you’re going to drink, crappy if you’re not. Not that great when your team is losing, but manageable just as long as you enjoy your company. And I don’t know about you, but staying seated for 3 straight hours at a sports bar? I rather be at the actual bar standing up or on a stool then sitting down like I’m in detention when your adrenaline is pumping the way it is during a football game. Taking into account the game itself, the food, service, atmosphere: A-. After all, we lost 52-13.
Till next time